bowen_t_hunter

Part 2 is now up

2009-07-31T05:10:47Z

http://truckinghelltheseries.blogspot.com/

Please spread the word. I'd like to see how popular this blog can become. Post the link in you own ljs if you could.
Thanks :)

Something different

2009-07-09T22:19:17Z

You may have seen this in a post by a different itteration of my personality. If so, Sorry. If not, I hope you enjoy

It was, I have to say, my finest hour.. It had been a close run thing, but I had managed to divert Aunt Agatha, “She, Jeeves, who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth”, away from an unscheduled, unannounced and unwanted visit and persuaded her and her husband, Lord Worpleston , to go instead and spend a few weeks in the company of Clarence, Lord Emsworth, at Blandings Castle, where, with luck, the two of them would be disembowelled and eaten by that monstrous beast The Empress of Blandings. I was still chuckling at the thought, as the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it, Jeeves!” I called out happily, as I was mere feet from the door.

“With respect, Sir, a Gentleman never answers his own door” said Jeeves, from close behind me.
“What? Where did you come from? You were…I wish you wouldn’t do that, Jeeves, it is dashed inconsiderate!”

Jeeves opened the door, and I looked out. A tousled head of hair, grey knitted sweater, a pair of knee length shorts almost but not quite covering the dirty knees, and somewhat scuffed shoes filled the lower half of the doorway. The slightly grimy face was clearly tearstained.

“Oh, come come!” I chided. “It isn’t done for a chap to be seen blubbing! Come on, keep your…”

Jeeves closed the door politely but firmly, and quickly, to boot.

“What? I say Jeeves, that was dashed impolite!”

“I’m sorry, Sir, but I fear you may not have been appraised of the entire situation”

“Oh, come now, Jeeves! What is there to be appraised of? When a chap sees a chap, and that chap is down, it is the duty of a chap to help the chap keep his pecker up!”

“Sir, under the circumstances I felt it my duty to see than you not only didn’t keep the chap’s pecker up, you did not in fact draw any attention to it whatsoever.!”

“What? Look, what are you blathering on about, Jeeves? This isn’t like you? I can’t have you slamming the door in a chap’s face, willy nilly!”

“And there, sir, I feel you have hit the nail squarely on the head. The willy, if I may make so bold, is, in this case, in a very real way, nilly/”

“Oh, come on man, what are you….oh!”

I may occasionally be slow on the uptake, but finally I got it.

“You mean…that chap isn’t a chap at all? That ragamuffin is in fact….a GIRL?”

“Yes, sir, I do believe that to be the case.”

“Oh, nonsense! Look, we can sort this out immediately”

I opened the door. The tousled head, still tearstained, and now with a quizzical expression, looked back at me.

“I’m sorry about this” I said, “But there’s a bit of confusion happening. We can clear this up with a question. Tell me, what is your name?”

The head came up, a little defiantly. “I’m George!”

I will confess I may have shot Jeeves a victorious grin. “ Ahah! I thought so. Look, George, you really should keep your…”

Again I found himself talking to the inside of the door, as Jeeves quickly closed it.

“Oh, tosh and rot, Jeeves. What is the matter with you now? You heard the chap. His name is George!”

“Much as I hate to disagree, Sir, his name is actually Georgina, and she is the daughter of Mister Quentin and Mrs Fanny, the family who are renting accommodation in the village. You met them last week, if I recall. Their daughter, Miss Georgina, is of a somewhat difficult nature, and is often mistaken for a boy, in spite of being sixteen. Some people seem to believe she is naïve in, to put it delicately, the ways of human nature. It is my personal opinion that it is just a stage she is going through.”

Yet again I opened the door.

“Well, George. What can I do for you?”

George sniffled. “I’ve lost my Dick”

The door slammed so quickly that it made the bells in the Grandfather clock jangle.

“Miss Georgina has a cousin, the son of Mr Quentin’s brother. His name is Richard, an appellation that is truncated in common parlance, I am led to believe, to Dick”

I realised that my mouth was still open from George’s last utterance, and closed it with a snap.

Yet again the door opened on the tearstained face. Iwas reminded of that ridiculous clock in the clubhouse of the golf club. The one that had come all the way from Sweden, or Salzburg, or somewhere else where the locals wandered round in leather shorts. I’d mentioned this to Jeeves, who for a change had been unaware of Lederhosen, and was more interested than I had expected. Sometimes I wondered about Jeeves…

“Miss Georgina?” Jeeves spoke to the visitor for the first time.

“My name is George!”

“As you will. Miss George, can you tell me if Master Dick was with a canine companion?”

George looked confused.

“Did he have a dog with him!” I translated.

“TIMMY!” George yelled, and started jumping up and down. It was only then that I really accepted that George was, indeed Georgina, and that before long it would be plain to everyone, even with knitted woollen sweaters.

“In that case, I believe they may well have crossed behind the house earlier. The dog, Timmy, I believe you called him, seemed to be following a scent, and the young man was struggling to keep up. If you would care to accompany me, I will endeavour to locate them.”

“Good show, Jeeves. I’ll toddle along with you. You never know when an extra pair of eyes could come in useful, and my eyesight is particularly keen!”

Jeeves looked at the now very obviously busty and feminine *George*.

“Yes, Sir” He agreed, unenthusiastically.

Later that evening, in the bar of the Lannoch Hotel, I found myself explaining to Mr Quentin and Mrs Fanny.

“It was a lucky thing! We’d only been out for five minutes when blow me if Jeeves didn’t hush us up. I was a bit taken aback, I can tell you. A chap isn’t used to being told to hush, but when I did hush I could hear a dog barking. Would you believe it, but when we went to investigate there was Master Richard with his leg caught in a dashed big hole. Luckily Jeeves is a dab hand at first aid, really first class, so I left him and Miss Georgina behind to provide assistance, and I trotted back to get a doctor and some help. A couple of men helped carry Master Richard, plucky chap, whilst Jeeves and Miss Georgina stayed behind to fill in the hole and catch that scamp Timmy. I must say Miss Georgina was looking a lot happier when they came back. Still, that’s Jeeves all over. I knew if anyone could provide her with Dick it would be him.And he's a dab hand whe it comes to filling holes.”

“And that, Jeeves, is why I suggest that you should take a week, maybe ten days, and visit Blandings. I don’t know why, but Mr Quentin seems remarkably keen on separating you from your breath. I'm sure it was nothing I said.”

Waterstones!

2009-06-22T19:52:38Z

http://www.waterstones.com/waterstonesweb/simpleSearch.do?simpleSearchString=trucking+hell&searchType=0&Image1.x=0&Image1.y=0

http://www.whsmith.co.uk/CatalogAndSearch/ProductDetails-Trucking+Hell+-9781409258575.html

Woot!

A new record

2009-06-15T15:36:30Z

Hmm...Monday Book offices open at 9am...I had the rejection email back bu 22 minutes past...

Monday Books

2009-06-14T19:00:17Z

Right...I may have done a bad thing, but...
Friday Project didn't publish is...lets see if Monday Books will...I just sent them The First Chapter and the foreword ...

Well, what's the worst that could happen?

Woot? Maybe?

2009-03-11T17:33:13Z

http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_ss_b?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=gaz+Hunter+trucking+hell&x=0&y=0

It is not current;ly available, but hopefully shortly...

Still waiting

2009-02-11T07:06:05Z

...for the ISBN to show up on any online book seller *at all* other than Lulu...it should show up very shortly, as Lulu say 6 weeks from publication to distribution.

Until then...it appears to have died a death, sales-wise, with a grand total of 14. Three of which I have...

Out in the wild

2009-01-23T20:58:21Z

Finally got my *final proof* copy today...the book is smaller than the pre-proof copy I got yesterday, but it is nice and shiny, and real, and in the back are the acknowledgements, and it is *mine* and I did it, and I clicked on *accept* on the Lulu website. And two things happened. Firstly it is ging to be available in Amazon.com within 6 weeks, with real, physical copies being made available to retailers (so go ask your local book stall for a copy! get them to stock it!) and the other, rather annoying thing that happened is that the price promptly went up to £11.50.

£11.50? This is not what I wanted! Apparently though, the fact that retailers and wholesalers have to buy it at a discount to get their money means the price has to be set there for Lulu to make anything. Lucky them. I;m not making a penny out of it! Imagine the price if I had been!

So...I am sorry, if you think that eleven and a half quid for an amateur book is too much, well, frankly I don't blame you...

Ooops, broke it!

2009-01-20T06:37:26Z

*I'll tell you what,* I thought,*I've cracked the 100 barrier...I said that when I sold 100 books I would call myself an author. And I have. So...what I will do is, I will set Trucking Hell up with an ISBN and sell it via Amazon and such. Yes! What could be easier?*

Well, slamming a revolving door, for a start.

See, to do the *Published by Lulu* thing, which gets you an ISBN, you have to re-do the entire book...which is fine, as it meant I cold use the very final update and edit, so it is really polished (Thanks Suzi, Random, Kim et al who did the final proofread)

And, having got the files up, the book size (and price) down[1], and Lulu having given me an ISBN...it crashed. Spectacularly splattering files over seven dimensions, none of which I occupied.[2]

Luckily I had kept back-up files.

Upload. *Crash!* Nooooooooooooo!

It took me five attempts. FIVE! Every time it tried to set a *Shop* price...*Kaboom!*

So...finally...just after midnight, Bowen T Hunter managed to get Trucking Hell on Lulu

Which means that the first ten people to buy it have a remarkable rare pre-okay copy, but it is, I hope, of the same standard as the finished article.
Those who buy it after midnight last night will get the final draft (I hope, barring any massively obvious cock-ups), and for that I thank you all.

Best wishes.

Bowen T (now Gaz) Hunter. Author! :) [3]

[1] Only way I could do this, of course, was to set *Writer Revenue* to £0. Needs must, however...the book has to get out there...I've put too much of myself in to it to let it fall on its arse!

[2] At one stage it said *Done* and offered me the chance to download a proof copy. Normally I don't, as I trust Lulu, but this time I did. And boy, am I glad...the opening chapter had every third line reversed, and every single page...every single one, was in a different typeface.

[3] Special, oh so very special. thanks go to Caroline Smailes, my editor, friend, shoulder to cry on, all round good egg, and owner of this website!

Trucking Hell

2009-01-16T07:03:26Z

...is now available on Lulu.

Trucking Hell and Authonomy

2008-10-15T19:21:33Z

Hee :)

Seems I am already 12th from top in the *True Life* section of the website, in less than 24 hours :)

And people I don't know are commenting on it favourably!

Trucking Hell

2008-10-15T05:18:36Z

Nothing ventured...I have just uploaded Trucking Hell to the Harper Collins website

http://www.authonomy.com/ReadBook.aspx?bookid=2919&chapterid=23871#chapter

Currently 11 chapters, I will be putting more up over the next few days...

Please read, if you so wish, and comment ditto :)

Trucking Hell, an update, of sorts...

2008-07-05T08:53:15Z

Okay, crunch time.
I need to decide fairly soon what I am going to do with Trucking Hell. There's been no reply either from the publisher or the agent, so I'm guessing that they're both pretty much dead ends.
so, I have to decide whether to go looking for another agent, go looking for another publisher, or simply POD it with Lulu.
If I go for the first two options this could mean an interminable delay, which, on top of the 12 month delay caused by the previous publisher going Tits Up is getting to be Too Long, a\nd my enthusiasm is beginiong to flag.
On the other hand if I POD it with Lulu, then as I don't have an ISBN then I won't be able to promote it at Amazon and other online book stores. It'll be out in the public domain, but only in a limited sense.
I'll have to have a long hard think...

Trucking Hell. B:2006. D:2008. RIP

2008-04-01T05:59:28Z

So, TFP is now officially wound up. *Formally into liquidation* is how it is described by Clare Christian, the MD.

This at least makes totally official the news that most of us has known for some time.

I feel sorry for Clare, having to watch her baby fall apart, but I also feel deeply sorry for those who have provided a service and received no compensation. My author, for example, had to put up with so much from me, and has not, AFAIK, received anything for it. I don't know if authors have received their moneys, but given that so many of them have become friends of mine I have to hope that their royalties are safe.

And, of course, I feel sorry for the death of Trucking Hell. But at least I haven't lost anything apart from a couple of hundred hours, bitten fingernails, sleepless nights....

Oh well. Back to Real Life, I s'pose.

The book, woes !

2008-03-21T12:11:07Z

Well, as it is out in the open in a big way, I can probably mention this now without cause for concern.

After all the work, there is a big possibility that Trucking Hell will not be published.
TFP, the publisher, have problems, are up for sale, in recievership, not in receivership etc, and as a result it is unlikely that TH will see the light of day.

Oh well. I tried.

I forgot to mention..

2008-02-27T06:45:38Z

I can has an interview!

(Lolcat is extremely annoying, and yet invasive. I can has not talk like this nao pls? Kthxbye)

Bloody Hell!

2008-02-20T05:07:40Z

She did it!

I am in tears here. Someone signed *A friend of a friend* took the total to over £1,000.

It is amazing!

I feel so proud to know her...you cannot imagine the stress this has put her through, with other *things* happening to make it all the more difficult. Gosh!

And I can't help but feel the *Friend of a friend* may have been one of you, in which case *hugs!*

And *hugs* anyway whether you donated or not, because...because...well, just *hugs!*

One In Four and Disraeli Avenue

2008-02-19T20:07:06Z

Folk, this is really impoortant to me, and to a lot of other people. I don't ask a lot from folk, but here I am, asking.
Caroline's fundraising book idea has already raised far in excess of the £500 she was aiming for. I know you don't know her, but the one in four charity is in dire need of funds, and Caroline has put so much effort, so much time, so much worry into Disraeli Avenue, just a couple of bob won't hurt. Do what you can, and pop over and say *Hi* To Caroline here and give her a boost. She is a lovely person. barking mad, mind...she likes Simon Cowell! But don't let that put you off!

Arse!

2008-02-19T09:12:48Z

I have a day off today...awaiting delivery of a matress. So...a lie-in happened.

Except...Willow went out on the balcony, and spent 20 minutes in the apparently -4 freezing fog.
And then decided to warm her frost-bedecked snottle by ramming it between the cheeks of my arse.

Some of you may have seen car adverts. 0-60 in 3.3 seconds. 2.8 seconds. 1.0 seconds. Trust me, this is mere ambulatory sloth, compared to asleep to awake in 0.001 seconds.

And not just awake. Not "Bleugh, what time is it/where am I/where are my socks/I need a weewee" awake. No, dear reader. This transcends any early morning wake up call. This makes the *Diddly Beep* of my alarm clock, up to now my most hated of sounds, almost a warm and loving partner. To achieve this level of awake would require a sudden immersion in liquid helium, whilst simultaneously having your blood instantly replaced with a 50/50 mix of hot Nescafe and ipecac. My mind briefly observed eternity. My brain understood the most fundamental questions on the planet. These questions I now put to you.

1) WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??

2) Where is my scrotum?

3) Why do I have 3 adams apples?

4) Why can I only say *Squeak*?

5) Why do I seem to have forgotten how to breath out?

6) Why am I on the ceiling?

Disraeli Avenue

2008-02-17T17:05:12Z

My dear friend Caroline Smailes has written a book.
Please go here, now, read about it, download it, and donate to 1 in 4. Go on. You know you want to.
While you're there, buy a copy of *In search of Adam* as well

Final? final edit

2008-01-19T17:35:16Z

Okay! Unless I have missed anything *really* silly, the book is now ready for production.

Which is nice.

For now I have a number of other ideas that I would like to attempt. A collection of children's poems. A collection of adults poems. A re-write of the *Fisher King* story from a sci-fi perspective. And first a week or two away from writing *anything* other than the odd lj update..

Book launches

2008-01-06T09:24:33Z

Oh, darn.
Information from elsewhere would indicate that my publisher has a moratorium on book launches at the moment...none, apparently, are planned for 2008, which is, of course, when TH is published.

Anyone have any ideas about DIY book launches? I am drawn to the idea of having a launch, just to, you know, make it official. I want the book to be launched, rather than just escape onto an apathetic public.
Silly as it may seem, I have the desire to launch it at a truckstop...possibly one on the M25, or even at a port...Poole or Dover. Funding and co-operation with the places will be the big problem, of course.

Any suggestions? Ideas? Willingness to help organise it? Bear in mind that the best I can do re publication date so far is *July*, so details are so far quite slim, and I can't really afford to pay much more than a signed copy of the book and drinkies on the day :)

Teaching :) Edited to show the entire work...

2008-01-05T17:01:55Z

I am quite chuffed

Look!
<--- Me, chuffing

Some of you may know I am attempting to help the grandchild of a friend of mine to improve her educational standards...
One of her homework tasks over christmas was to write (and this makes me shudder...this is, I promise you, a direct copy of the DTP'd instruction leaflet, labelled *literacy*)... "a story flashing back to a tine in a charcters life where something funny, sad or interesting happened. We will give a prise for the best story"

Tine, characters and prise are heart-breaking!

Anyway...I got her to sit and think about places where a character could be thinking, and got her to act out everything, so that she could describe her feelings, and examine in detail her actions. I am so proud of her efforts so far. Please bear in mind that she has typed this out left handed, as she broke her arm yesterday, so please excuse the missing words and typo/layout problems. We'll fix them when we are done. So...I give you:-

Dead on time

Michelle stomped angrily up and down the platform. She was tired and cold and it had just started to rain. Where was that waiting room? She was convinced it was here, and yet the door was nowhere to be seen. She had only left it ten minutes ago so she could use her mobile phone and when she wanted to go back in it was nowhere to be seen.
Instead of a large wooden door there were just posters advertising perfumes and books. This made her even more angry because she wanted a new book to read, because she had read her other one while she was waiting for her train. Of course, because it was so late the shop was shut.
She kicked the wall where she was sure the door had been and her eyes fell on a framed photograph …

Michelle stomped angrily up and down the platform. She was tired and cold and it looked as if it was going to rain. She had a three hour wait for her train and there was nothing to do except walk up and down the platform. She had walked up and down four times already and once, when she was sure no one was looking, she had played hopscotch on the paving slabs and leap-frogged over the bins. Then she had seen the CCTV cameras, so now she was tired cold and embarrassed.
She sat on the bench and hid her head in her hands. Through her fingers she could see a flickering light reflecting on the pavement. Then she lifted her head out of her hands and saw a grass green door with grimy glass. Michelle had to look twice because she could not believe her own eyes. She was drawn to the light like a moth to a flame. She rubbed at the grimy glass of the grass green door with her grey glove and then she peered through the window.
Inside she saw an inviting coal fire.

She entered the room quietly and looked around. Along the walls were leather chairs. They looked very cosy. Then she realised it was a waiting room so she made herself comfortable in a leather chair next the coal fire. Maybe she dozed because suddenly she heard voices. She looked up and looked around. In the corner she saw two people dressed in 1940s clothes with a bag saying “Just Married”. Although she was there they were talking quite loudly as if she wasn’t there. Michelle couldn’t help but listen. The young woman was talking excitedly about her honeymoon in Cornwall. The man was talking about the fact that the railway company had given him three days off. The young man lit up a cigarette. Michelle did not smoke and thought it very rude of him to smoke. This put her back in a bad mood so she decided to ring her boyfriend to moan. However she could not get any signal so she went outside. To do so she had to walk past the young couple and so got a good look at them.
As soon as she left the waiting room she had a good signal on her phone so she rang her boyfriend and chatted for ten minutes. Then, as she was getting cold, she decided to go back into the waiting-room and ask the two others not to smoke. When she returned to where she thought the door was, however, there was no sign of it…

She looked at the picture. It was an old faded photograph. Underneath the picture was an equally old piece of paper, with a typewritten label.
“In memory of Edith and Albert Chappel. Albert was the stationmaster at this station between July 1938 and April 1940, when he and his bride Edith were killed by a stray German bomb which fell on the station, destroying the waiting-room, where they were waiting to catch a train to take them to Cornwall for their honeymoon. This plaque and photograph were presented in memory of them, and are placed where the waiting room used to be.”
Michelle looked at the picture, and felt her skin grow cold. Looking out from the frame were the happy faces of the two people she had seen, not ten minutes previously, as they happily discussed their honeymoon. She swallowed. What, she wondered, would have happened had she not left the room to make the phone call?

. Not bad for an 11 year old, though Smile

Not done, but close!

2007-12-14T16:58:43Z

Okay, I *may* have been a bit over-optimistic in the *This is done and dusted* department.
However, the final FINAL final edit, the second, part two, continued, strikes back, has been completed, my editor (waves at nice editor) has approved it (Happy Birthday for Yesterday, Editor!!) and sent it off to Clare at TFP to have a look at.

Fingers crossed that Clare likes it, doesn't want too much changing, and then....

I get to write another!

Whoopee!

Suggestions then. Write another? Write a sequel to *How I broke Bath* which will be a Lulu edition, just further stuff gacked from my LJ? Trucking Hell 2, *What the Truck?* ?, *Willow, the great dog Detective*? Something else?

Book cover

2007-12-13T12:39:18Z

So, here it is!

What do you think?

Apart from a slight tweak to get the H of Hunter away from the shut-line of the bonnet I like it!
Oh, and it is very sad that as soon as I saw it I knew it was a Daf CF tractor unit. What can I say? I like trucks :)