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Something different - bowen_t_hunter
bowen_t_hunter
bowen_t_hunter
Something different
You may have seen this in a post by a different itteration of my personality. If so, Sorry. If not, I hope you enjoy



It was, I have to say, my finest hour.. It had been a close run thing, but I had managed to divert Aunt Agatha, “She, Jeeves, who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth”, away from an unscheduled, unannounced and unwanted visit and persuaded her and her husband, Lord Worpleston , to go instead and spend a few weeks in the company of Clarence, Lord Emsworth, at Blandings Castle, where, with luck, the two of them would be disembowelled and eaten by that monstrous beast The Empress of Blandings. I was still chuckling at the thought, as the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it, Jeeves!” I called out happily, as I was mere feet from the door.

“With respect, Sir, a Gentleman never answers his own door” said Jeeves, from close behind me.
“What? Where did you come from? You were…I wish you wouldn’t do that, Jeeves, it is dashed inconsiderate!”

Jeeves opened the door, and I looked out. A tousled head of hair, grey knitted sweater, a pair of knee length shorts almost but not quite covering the dirty knees, and somewhat scuffed shoes filled the lower half of the doorway. The slightly grimy face was clearly tearstained.

“Oh, come come!” I chided. “It isn’t done for a chap to be seen blubbing! Come on, keep your…”

Jeeves closed the door politely but firmly, and quickly, to boot.

“What? I say Jeeves, that was dashed impolite!”

“I’m sorry, Sir, but I fear you may not have been appraised of the entire situation”

“Oh, come now, Jeeves! What is there to be appraised of? When a chap sees a chap, and that chap is down, it is the duty of a chap to help the chap keep his pecker up!”

“Sir, under the circumstances I felt it my duty to see than you not only didn’t keep the chap’s pecker up, you did not in fact draw any attention to it whatsoever.!”

“What? Look, what are you blathering on about, Jeeves? This isn’t like you? I can’t have you slamming the door in a chap’s face, willy nilly!”

“And there, sir, I feel you have hit the nail squarely on the head. The willy, if I may make so bold, is, in this case, in a very real way, nilly/”

“Oh, come on man, what are you….oh!”

I may occasionally be slow on the uptake, but finally I got it.

“You mean…that chap isn’t a chap at all? That ragamuffin is in fact….a GIRL?”

“Yes, sir, I do believe that to be the case.”

“Oh, nonsense! Look, we can sort this out immediately”

I opened the door. The tousled head, still tearstained, and now with a quizzical expression, looked back at me.

“I’m sorry about this” I said, “But there’s a bit of confusion happening. We can clear this up with a question. Tell me, what is your name?”

The head came up, a little defiantly. “I’m George!”

I will confess I may have shot Jeeves a victorious grin. “ Ahah! I thought so. Look, George, you really should keep your…”

Again I found himself talking to the inside of the door, as Jeeves quickly closed it.

“Oh, tosh and rot, Jeeves. What is the matter with you now? You heard the chap. His name is George!”

“Much as I hate to disagree, Sir, his name is actually Georgina, and she is the daughter of Mister Quentin and Mrs Fanny, the family who are renting accommodation in the village. You met them last week, if I recall. Their daughter, Miss Georgina, is of a somewhat difficult nature, and is often mistaken for a boy, in spite of being sixteen. Some people seem to believe she is naïve in, to put it delicately, the ways of human nature. It is my personal opinion that it is just a stage she is going through.”

Yet again I opened the door.

“Well, George. What can I do for you?”

George sniffled. “I’ve lost my Dick”

The door slammed so quickly that it made the bells in the Grandfather clock jangle.

“Miss Georgina has a cousin, the son of Mr Quentin’s brother. His name is Richard, an appellation that is truncated in common parlance, I am led to believe, to Dick”

I realised that my mouth was still open from George’s last utterance, and closed it with a snap.

Yet again the door opened on the tearstained face. Iwas reminded of that ridiculous clock in the clubhouse of the golf club. The one that had come all the way from Sweden, or Salzburg, or somewhere else where the locals wandered round in leather shorts. I’d mentioned this to Jeeves, who for a change had been unaware of Lederhosen, and was more interested than I had expected. Sometimes I wondered about Jeeves…

“Miss Georgina?” Jeeves spoke to the visitor for the first time.

“My name is George!”

“As you will. Miss George, can you tell me if Master Dick was with a canine companion?”

George looked confused.

“Did he have a dog with him!” I translated.

“TIMMY!” George yelled, and started jumping up and down. It was only then that I really accepted that George was, indeed Georgina, and that before long it would be plain to everyone, even with knitted woollen sweaters.

“In that case, I believe they may well have crossed behind the house earlier. The dog, Timmy, I believe you called him, seemed to be following a scent, and the young man was struggling to keep up. If you would care to accompany me, I will endeavour to locate them.”

“Good show, Jeeves. I’ll toddle along with you. You never know when an extra pair of eyes could come in useful, and my eyesight is particularly keen!”

Jeeves looked at the now very obviously busty and feminine *George*.

“Yes, Sir” He agreed, unenthusiastically.

Later that evening, in the bar of the Lannoch Hotel, I found myself explaining to Mr Quentin and Mrs Fanny.

“It was a lucky thing! We’d only been out for five minutes when blow me if Jeeves didn’t hush us up. I was a bit taken aback, I can tell you. A chap isn’t used to being told to hush, but when I did hush I could hear a dog barking. Would you believe it, but when we went to investigate there was Master Richard with his leg caught in a dashed big hole. Luckily Jeeves is a dab hand at first aid, really first class, so I left him and Miss Georgina behind to provide assistance, and I trotted back to get a doctor and some help. A couple of men helped carry Master Richard, plucky chap, whilst Jeeves and Miss Georgina stayed behind to fill in the hole and catch that scamp Timmy. I must say Miss Georgina was looking a lot happier when they came back. Still, that’s Jeeves all over. I knew if anyone could provide her with Dick it would be him.And he's a dab hand whe it comes to filling holes.”

“And that, Jeeves, is why I suggest that you should take a week, maybe ten days, and visit Blandings. I don’t know why, but Mr Quentin seems remarkably keen on separating you from your breath. I'm sure it was nothing I said.”

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